Getting Off the Beaten Tracker
by silveraure
Summary: Demetri Volturi is harboring a crush on sexy fellow tracker James the Nomad, whom he plots to get alone by throwing a Tracking Competition he knows James can't resist. Can Demetri lure James out of his pants and into his heart? OOC, AU, Vampires, MATURE.
1. Ready

**All Twilight characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**I've always imagined the Volturi as kind of an incestual den of fabulousness and iniquity. I probably got this impression from all the Baroque architecture and eyeliner. I figured they got bored with all those centuries of nothing to do but plot evil schemes to rule the world and turned into the set of **_**Passions on Crack **_**for at least a few days out of the year. At any rate, please enjoy this ridiculous peek into one of Demetri's devious schemes. **

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**Getting Off the Beaten Tracker**

**Part One: Ready**

It was just a little crush. Harmless, really. It might pass for a fleeting fancy in any one else's mind, but to me it became an obsession. You know how we trackers are. Once we set our sights on something, we don't give up the hunt until we sink our teeth into our prey.

And it was exactly that kind of determination that I was counting on.

There was a light rap at the door.

"Hey, sugar, mind if I come in?" a dulcet voice asked, its owner effortlessly pushing open the massive wooden antique that masqueraded as the door to my chambers. Heidi's beautiful face appeared in the soft beam of light that spilled in from the flaming sconces in the hallway – another sign of our master Aro's reluctance to leave the Dark Ages snugly in the past.

"But of course, my dear," I drawled, finishing the last swirl on the calligraphied square of parchment before me with a flourish.

"Thanks," she said, her full lips curving up into a smile as she let herself into the room and shut the door behind her. It didn't surprise me in the slightest to see that her stunning body was completely bare but for a thin half-slip secured with a ribbon around her narrow waist. Her enviously perky breasts were partially obscured at present by a large tome with a picture of the Vatican City on the cover. The title was written in the characters of an Asian language I didn't recognize.

"A little light reading before bed?" I teased, licking the tip of the quill pen in my hand and dipping it into the inkwell again.

"Hardly. More like a little light reading in lieu of bed," she huffed, settling daintily onto the embroidered settee I had stolen from Versailles the last time I was invited for a hunting weekend. That was three hundred years ago. And to think those jaunty riding breeches I had made for the occasion still fit like a dream!

"Hiding from Felix again?" I snorted, settling back against the velvet cushions of my bed and fanning my face lazily with the parchment to dry the ink.

She rolled her eyes, but didn't address my conjecture directly. "Aro told me that all the recent hunting we've been doing has driven down tourism in Volterra. He said we need to think about branching out to bigger cities and more diverse tourist populations," she said, tapping the cover of the book for emphasis.

"The Vatican City? Won't the Pope object?"

She scanned a few pages at lightening speed before responding drily, "No, he doesn't mind as long as we don't take the Catholics." She relaxed back into the settee, allowing her legs to part slightly.

"Good. I hate eating Catholics, anyway. The guilt makes their blood so sour," I said, pursing my lips and tilting my head to admire the peek at her undercarriage.

Her eyes flashed red with amusement, the blue contacts she normally wore to blend in with humans already removed for the evening.

The door to my chambers opened abruptly and the hulking form of a disgruntled Felix appeared.

"THERE you are!" he said with an accusing glare at Heidi.

She didn't even look up from her book as she calmly displayed her middle finger to him.

"Well, hello there, Felix," I said, admiring his chiseled body, naked but for a pair of silk boxer shorts.

"Oh come on, baby!" he whined, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of my lecherous gaze. "My balls are turning blue! You promised me a fuck before the night was over!"

She licked her fingers and turned another page. "I have a date with Aro tonight. I need to finish this book before then."

"Aro?" I asked with interest. "Since when are you boffing him?" _And why should she be so favored, the bitch?_

"Oh, I'm not," she assured me with a knowing smile. "He just finds my memories the most pleasant to jerk off to."

"Mmm, lucky girl."

"I can be quick, Heidi!" Felix said eagerly, clearly getting a little antsy. "You don't even have to pretend to like it this time!"

"I didn't pretend last time," she muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"What's the matter, Felix? Tired of chasing the local school girls?" I teased him, running my tongue suggestively over the seal of an envelope. "Or did Aro find out about the one you crushed?"

Felix ignored my question and turned his best puppy dog eyes to Heidi. "Pleeeeeease..."

Heidi made a supremely irritated sound and stood, slamming her book shut with a mighty _TWHUMP _that sent a sexy shockwave through her tits.

"FINE, you big horny ox!" she hissed, stalking over to my great mahogany chest of drawers (a gift from Marcus from his last sex tour to Thailand) and bending over it. She hiked her satin slip up to expose her deliciously ripe ass, propped her book up against the mirror, and continued reading.

"Here?" he squeaked, not liking the hungry way my eyes were devouring the sizeable bulge in his shorts.

"It's here or nowhere," she growled impatiently, propping her chin up with her fist as she turned the page.

He shrugged and wriggled out of his shorts, granting me an excellent view of his granite ass and his substantial erection. He gave Heidi's ass a testing slap and she spread her legs to accommodate him, still not looking up from her book. He put one hand on her hip and used the other to grasp his cock and give it a few preparatory pumps. My own member twitched under my robe reflexively as he pushed himself into Heidi with a groan.

"_Damn_, Heidi, you got a fucking irrigation system down there? Why are you so fucking wet?" he groaned, sliding his cock slowly in and out of her to savor the sensation.

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Church History gets me a little hot."

Felix chose to ignore the hand I slid under my robe and looked instead at the stack of papers beside me on the bed. "What are you doing in tonight, anyway? More erotic origami?" he sneered.

"I happen to be putting the finishing touches on my invitations," I told him haughtily.

"_Ummm..._" he closed his eye momentarily before addressing me again, "Bloody hell, they aren't for another pansy costume ball, are they? I am SO not falling for your Little Bo Peep gag again."

"You flatter me, Felix. You really thought that was my shepherd's crook? And here I thought that you were just flirting with my sheep."

Heidi snickered. Felix reached up to grab her breast, but she slapped his hand away.

"So is it a costume ball?" Felix asked in his normal voice, not at all winded by the exercise. It was a very off-putting quirk about being fucked by a vampire.

"No," I said, slightly mesmerized by the methodical way he plowed into her, his marble balls slapping rhythmically against her gorgeous ass with a steady _thwock, thwock, thwock.._.

"_Gunfff_..." Felix said. "So, uh, what's the occasion?"

"この大聖堂は非常に古いです..." Heidi said thoughtfully, carefully tasting the foreign tongue in her mouth.

"I'm hosting a Tracking contest," I informed him.

"Don't you think that's a little..." he paused his speech to groan again, "...unfair to all the other trackers? We all know you'd win – Aro would never have anything less than the best in the Volturi."

I bowed my head and smiled demurely at this compliment.

Felix picked up his pace. _ THWACK, THWACK, THWACK..._

Heidi turned to me with interest, trying to maintain her dignified composure through her pummeling, even though the entire chest of drawers underneath her was rocking back and forth on its spindly legs. "Are you hoping some new talent has been turned since the last time you went looking for competition?" she asked.

"Actually, I was rather hoping to attract some old competition," I said, allowing myself a self-indulgent stroke under my robe. "_Mmm_..."

"If you take your dick out again, Dem, I swear I am going to punch you in the face," Felix warned.

Heidi looked up from her book with concern, "I'm sorry, sugar, are we bothering you? You want me to suck you off when I'm done?"

"Hey! How come you didn't offer to suck me off?" Felix asked with a scowl.

"Because you're an oaf."

"Well anyway, Dem's not into girls," Felix snorted, increasing his stride to a speed the Energizer bunny would envy.

_......_

Heidi raised her eyebrow. "I thought Dem was an equal opportunity lover?"

I sighed heavily. "I _was_ until I made the mistake of engaging in a tryst with our Jane. That little snit had the nerve to brain-pain me whilst my member was situated in her love compartment!" I shuddered at the memory. Talk about aversion therapy!

"So you're off the twat for good, huh?" Heidi seemed slightly disappointed.

"At least for the next century or so, I'm afraid."

"I'm coming," Felix mentioned as an aside, wincing slightly with bliss.

"Me, too," Heidi said, turning back to her book.

"Really?" he asked incredulously.

"Uh-huh. Kegel's. I swear by 'em. I can come just by leaning forward in my seat on the bus."

"So you just do it all the time, then?"

"Oh yes. I think that's why I'm such a people person."

I threw back my head and laughed at Felix, "NOT exactly a compliment to your skills, my man."

Felix scowled and pulled his shorts back up. "So who are you hoping to attract then?" he asked me, anxious to steer the subject to any topic other than his sexual prowess.

"Yes, who is it, Dem? I take it you don't mean a lady..." Heidi asked probingly.

I was struck suddenly with a fit of modesty. "Oh, it's no one you would know..." I redirected my attention to sealing envelopes, but they continued staring at me until I went on. "Well, all right – if you must know it's... James. The Nomad."

The pair of them exchanged a skeptical look.

I frowned. "What's wrong with that?"

Heidi suppressed a grin. "A little rough-and-tumble for your style, isn't he?"

Felix snorted. "Slumming it are we, Demetri? What's wrong with one of your usual lipsticked pets? I thought you liked them pretty."

"But that's just _it!_" I said, exhaling loudly in frustration. "I'm sick of being with guys who've lost all sense of what it means to be _men_. If I wanted a fellow who wore more make-up than I do I'd go cuddle with Caius. I _like_ that James is a little rough around the edges. Have you had a look at him lately? Those ripped jeans he wears low around his tight little hips, that scuffed leather jacket effortlessly unzipped over those _oooooh_ fuck-me-hard abs, that wickedly devil-may-care hair falling slightly into those eyes that could bring you to your knees..." I trailed off, a thin line of saliva oozing out of the corner of my mouth as I recalled James' appeal.

"I think I just came again," Heidi reported.

Felix remained unconvinced. "If he's such a _real_ man what makes you think he takes cock?"

"He doesn't have to take a fucking thing," I said, a mischievous grin spreading over my face. "I expect to be doing all the receiving. Have you_ seen_ his cock? Fucking Vlad the Impaler over there!" I wriggled around against the cushions giddily.

"Oh! There I go again!" Heidi said with an honest-to-goodness squeak as she spontaneously orgasmed again. "Honestly, Dem, if you don't stop talking about him I may have to get a napkin."

"I see," Felix said. "So how exactly are you going to lure Don Juan, Jr. into your ass? Have him trip over you in the steam room?"

"Simple," I said slyly, waving one of the invitations for emphasis. "If he's anything like me – and I have a feeling he is – he can't resist the chance to show off his skills. He's still bitter about Aro choosing me over him for the position on the Guard. He'll come to the tracking competition."

"And then you plan to just jump him at the finish line? No offense, man, but I think he could probably kick your ass with minimal effort."

"Don't you worry. I'll think of something. I can be quite persuasive when I want." I trailed the feather quill suggestively down the open neck of my robe. Felix pretended to gag.

"And what about his lady Big Red?" Heidi asked, referring to James' mate Victoria. "That cat's got her claws pretty deep in her man." Heidi seemed to be speaking from bitter experience.

"Easy. The competition's for trackers only. She'll stay at the castle with you all."

"Ooooh, can I entertain her?" Heidi brightened.

"You can certainly try."

"Mmmm..." Heidi closed her eyes, imagining the possibilities. "I'm going to go get that napkin now."

I finished my invitations that night and checked over the list of recipients I had compiled the day before. Besides James I had also begrudgingly included the old grump Alistair in England. The rotten geezer hated my guts but Aro would be entirely put out if I didn't extend his old acquaintance a courtesy invitation. In addition I had invited over a dozen lesser-known trackers from around the world: China, Russia, Zimbabwe, Brazil... As a breed we trackers tend to prefer to be as far away from each other as possible. That is, when we're not trying to seduce one another, of course. But the distances made no difference to me. As soon as I pictured the person in my mind I felt a thrum of energy swell through me, pulling me in their direction. It was maddening that I could know instantaneously where any person on the planet was at any given time, yet I was limited by my physical abilities as to how fast I actually reached them. Yes, as a vampire I was quite adept at speed over land – but even vampires prefer not to swim an entire ocean to reach their destination. Felix and Heidi offered to help me as long as I pointed them to the location of each invitee, and so I divided up the list between us. Heidi offered to go to all the locations that required plane travel since she fit much more easily into a standard plane seat than six-foot-eight Felix did.

With the other invitations as good as delivered, I turned my attention to the real task at hand: getting the elusive Mr. James to take the bait. I took a moment to still myself and concentrate, calling up the faint memory of his aura in my mind. _There_, I thought with satisfaction as I located him in some dump town in the mountains of Croatia, _I've got you now_.

I set off at once.

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**Will Demetri be able to persuade James to compete in the competition? Stay tuned for the next exciting installment! **

**Like what you read? Review! And then go check out some of my other stories on my profile :)**


	2. Set

**All Twilight characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Thank you so much for the love and support you all gave Part One of this little short! This is shaping up to be a lovely little triplet, so please enjoy Part Two and know that Part Three won't be long behind it :)**

**Ahhh, we return to our beloved hero, Demetri of the Volturi, as he makes his way to Croatia to invite James the Nomad to his epic Tracking Competition. Will James take the bait or will Demetri go home empty-handed? Come on in and find out...**

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**Getting Off the Beaten Tracker**

**Part Two: Set...**

The pace of human travel was agonizingly slow for me. True, I could have easily run the distance overnight, but what kind of a first impression would I make in tattered clothing and runny eyeliner? After all, I was going for "Pete Wentz" not "Pete Doherty". Over the course of the three-hour flight I compulsively performed the same grooming ritual on my face and hair over and over ad absurdum. The stale atmosphere inside airplanes has such a deflating effect on hair, and I needed mine to be fierce. I went through at least two of those mini bottles of hair gel and a half of a tube of bronzer between take-off and set-down in Croatia. I must have made some kind of an impression on my pretty young seatmate, because she passed me her number as we were deplaning. (Though, upon closer inspection of her card I discovered that she was a therapist. I decided to pass that along to Jane.)

I was stopped at customs by a surly security guard with eyebrows the likes of which steel wool would be intimidated. "Can I look at your bag, sir?" he asked in a beefy, Slavic accent.

I sniffed indignantly, glancing down at my bulging duffle bag and then back up at the brawny man. "No, you certainly may not." _Sigh._ This never happened when I traveled with Felix.

"Sir, I need to look at your bag. Now," he insisted, holding out his latex-gloved hand expectantly.

This was really getting tiresome. I looked around me, wondering if there was any chance in hell I could break the cocky bastard's neck without attracting any undue attention. Unfortunately, I was surrounded by hundreds of other humans and surveillance cameras. There was no way Aro would allow me to get away with such a public killing, even if this burly civil servant had it coming in so many ways.

I sighed and lowered my sunglasses to look him full into the eye. "You are going to let me pass," I ordered him, calling upon all of my dazzling powers to compel him.

The man blinked back dumbly, his eyes so glazed over by the tedium of his dead-end career that my powers had no effect on what was left of his brain. "Your bag, sir," he repeated.

_Damn!_ I scowled at the guard, but set my bag down on the table before him.

The man scowled back and opened the bag slowly. He gaped down at its contents in shock. "Are these... all... _all_...?" The word he was looking for was "dildos", and I told him as much. He gaped in awe at the wide variety of colors, sizes and assortments.

I shrugged and waved my hand impatiently at his amazement. "I get bored on long flights."

The man swallowed hard and looked up at me warily. "Is this your only luggage, sir?"

"Yes," I said curtly, pushing my sunglasses further up the bridge of my aristocratic nose.

"Excuse me, but you must come with me now," he said, reaching for his radio to call in a Dildo Alert, or whatever the fuck such an occasion called for. Honestly, they were sex toys, not suitcase nukes.

Aaaaaand this is why I never fly. Humans are so judgy. But hey, at least I got a good fisting out of the ordeal.

My dignity and my person thus violated, I hobbled out of the airport and looked around, deciding what to do. It was already almost past ten PM, since Aro would never let us travel during the daylight, and the airport was showing signs of closing,. Perhaps in a city like Rio or Las Vegas a glittering man waiting for a cab by the side of the road might be common enough, but I was sure that such a sight would not be taken kindly in charmingly parochial Zagreb. I took a moment to still myself and concentrate, calling up the faint memory of James' aura in my mind. _There_, I thought with satisfaction as I located him, still in the mountains where I'd sensed him earlier. I hailed a cab and was on my way.

I reached the village by midnight and didn't bother looking for a hotel since I was leaving so early the next morning. I made my way into the charming set of woods beyond the local pigsties and found what I was looking for without much effort. Nomads are notoriously sloppy, and apparently – if the screeching and groaning were any indication – really noisy.

"You promised _me_ the thighs, Victoria," a sultry voice said in a garbled French accent. "I do not wish for you to sully them with your mouth. It reeks of rotten sea creature."

"Well _excuse me_, Laurent," I heard Victoria spit back – yes, I really mean "spit" literally: I'm fairly certain I heard some expectorate spattering against a bystanding boulder. "_You're_ the one that ate all the nuns we had left and made me eat that salty old geezer."

The sound of limbs being ripped apart followed and I felt my throat burning at the fresh scent of blood that rose up in its wake. Before my stomach could rumble and give me away, I stepped into the clearing.

"Good evening, Victoria, Laurent," I said, tucking my arms about either side of my waist and affecting a slight bow. I tried not to look revolted as the pair of them sat up and wiped the blood and brain matter from their lips with the sleeves of their ragged clothing. Victoria was attired in some greasy yoga pants and what appeared to be an oversized Jonas Brothers' t-shirt. Laurent was a step above her in fashion, dressed as he was in a mismatched three-pieced suit that was easily three inches too short for his long legs. The two of them looked like a pair of feral cats, with leaves and mats littering their long hair and mud (and something we'll politely call "excrement") covering their feet.

Victoria leaped lightly to her toes and gave a little hiss of recognition. "Well, if it isn't the Fairy Prince of the Volturi! How lovely of you to drop by and visit," she said, tossing aside the severed arm she'd been gnawing upon. I frowned at her, trying to decide what about her would possibly posses James to want to bed this... this _thing_. If I were polite I would say that underneath her wild tangle of hair and desperate need for a more supportive bra, she really was a lovely woman, _blah blah blah_, and some horseshit about beauty being on the inside... But let's face facts: vampires are not known for their tact.

"Victoria, how pleasant to see you again," I said guardedly. "And Laurent, you are looking well."

Laurent smiled pleasantly at me, but the amount of blood in his teeth rendered the gesture rather more terrifying than friendly.

When neither of them moved to speak again, I cleared my throat and continued. "Is, ah, James here?" I made a show of looking around the clearing, even though my tracker senses were clearly informing me that he was nowhere within range.

"He left," Victoria said, a vicious smirk creeping up her face, "The minute he sensed you coming."

I really hoped Heidi would enjoy sexing the spunk out of this one. Maybe she could find a way to lure her into Caius' dungeon...

"Now, Victoria, your fish breath might have had something to do with that," Laurent said with a giggle.

She fired him a glare that withered his good humor. "Anyway," she said, turning back to me, "He doesn't want to see _you_."

"I see," I said, pursing my lips and acting as if her insulting words had no affect on me. "Well, could you see that he gets this, at least?" I pulled out the invitation from the inside pocket of my cashmere long coat and handed it to her, refusing to look into her mocking eyes.

She made no move to take the envelope, so Laurent graciously stepped in to intercept it. "What is this?" he asked me, pulling the invitation from the envelope and looking over it.

"It's an invitation to a Volturi sponsored Tracking Competition," I said. "Only the best trackers are invited, so naturally James was included." I neglected to mention that I was the one actively selecting invitees lest that would raise Victoria's hackles any more than they already were.

"I'll be sure to let him know," Victoria said with a dismissive gesture of her flame-colored head.

"_I'll_ be sure he gets it," Laurent promised me.

"Thank you," I told him sincerely, and gathered what little of my dignity remained and sulked back to town. I caught the same cab that had brought me to the village (who, surprisingly enough, had not managed to pick up a fare among the chicken farmers and pig herders) and had him drive me back to the city. I spent the rest of the night brooding through the streets of Zagreb. I made a meal of a prostitute (I rarely eat fast food, but really when you travel what other option is there?), left my bag of dildos with a bored-looking homeless man (much to his perverted amusement), and made my way back to the airport to catch the six AM flight to Rome.

I can say now with absolute confidence that the _very last_ person I expected to see (well, short of Napoleon Bonaparte I suppose, but _hush_, I'm in lust and entitled to melodrama) waiting for me at the Departure terminal was the one and only – James the Nomad. He was leaning against the wall by the magazine stand, looking for all the world like some ethereal incarnation straight from Vulcan's forge, neatly packaged in jeans and a snug flannel shirt, the sleeves casually pushed up to the elbows. I hadn't seen him in the better part of a decade, but he remained unchanged in his raw, understated beauty. His handsome face was turned away from me in profile, but I knew he was aware of my arrival, much the same way that I was aware of his presence pulsating on my tracking radar like a red, hot, sexy beacon. I caught an unnecessary breath and walked towards him with confidence I didn't feel.

He waited until his name escaped my lips in a husky undertone before he turned to me, his blood red eyes piercing into mine. "You were looking for me?" he asked, his words effortlessly turning my knees to rubber.

"Yes," was the most articulate answer I could muster.

"Laurent told me about the Tracking competition. What's in it for me?" he asked, standing up to his full height and moving closer to me. He was only a couple of inches taller than me, but his mere presence made him seem taller.

_You mean besides the best fuck of your life? _I thought giddily. I forced myself to composure. After all, I was a ranking member on the elite Volturi guard. James was just a nameless nomad with nothing more than his rock-hard abs and his pretty face to recommend him. And possibly his gorgeous granite chest. Or maybe his tight marble ass. I felt a bit of saliva collecting in a rather unseemly way in the corner of mouth and I shook my head to snap myself out of it.

"You mean the prize?" I asked, arching my brow in a way I hoped wouldn't come off as too cheeky. "Well if the glory isn't enough for you, there is also the sum of €10,000."

"Hmm," he said. He looked skeptical.

"I meant to say €50,000," I amended quickly.

He chewed this thought over for a minute before giving me a defeated shrug. "Best of luck to the winner," he said, turning to go.

_Jesus_, I forgot how greedy nomads were! "WAIT!" I yelled out indecorously, reaching out and actually touching his immaculately beautiful shoulder to stop him from leaving. A delicious thrill tingled through my manly bits as he turned to face me again.

"€100,000," I said breathlessly. For fuck's sake this was getting ridiculous. Aro was going to be furious I was throwing away so much money, but I was sure Marcus and Caius would probably find the whole situation amusing in a we-love-to-watch-you-squirm-plus-you'll-be-on-werewolf-duty-for-a-decade kind of way. I guess I could try selling my Precious Moments figurine collection on e-Bay again. Or Jane's panties.

A sly, sexy smile spread over his face that seemed to be speaking directly to my cock, much to my zipper's chagrin. "I'll see you there then," he said, tilting his head with amusement at the enraptured look on my face. With the sweet words "Good-bye, Demetri," he was gone, and I think he took my giddy girlish heart along with him.

I balked. Did I really just agree to pay a man €100,000 for sex?

I sure as Heidi's orgasm did.

And I couldn't fucking wait.

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**The game is afoot! Now that James has agreed to come to Volterra, will Demetri be able to convince him to stay? Stay tuned until next time!**

**Like what you're reading? Leave a review! Then check out some of the other stories on my profile :) **


	3. Go

**All Twilight characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Welcome back for the third and final titillating edition of **_**As the Volturi Turn**_** – er, I mean, **_**Getting Off the Beaten Tracker**_**. James has agreed to come to the tracking competition, but will Demetri manage to seduce him? And whatever shall he wear? Come on in for our tale's exciting conclusion...**

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**Getting Off the Beaten Tracker**

**Part Three: Go**

It was a clear, sunny morning the day of the competition. Sunny – with a chance of sex. I took my time with my grooming ritual, applying first moisturizer, then bronzer, then anti-shine blotting paper, then a light translucent powder, until it appeared as though I had done nothing at all. Perfect.

"Knock knock," a smooth voice said softly at the door. I turned to see Heidi slipping in through the crack. She was elegantly arranged in something not unlike a toga made of a silk bed sheet, and I wondered that her improvised formal wear didn't have something to do with her improved relationship with Felix as of late.

"Good morning, gorgeous," I called, warming a hair balm between my hands and fluffing it gingerly through my hair.

"Sugar, you look... _fantastic!_" Heidi breathed, taking in the sight of me.

I had to admit she was right. I'd spent days concocting my ensemble, and I knew the one I'd settled on was absolutely perfect. I was arrayed in a slick narrow-waisted grey Prada suit over a crisp blue shirt, the collar of which was jauntily unbuttoned and erect, and the aroma d'jour was something sharp and sexy by Armani, which I was currently dotting behind my ears. "Do you really think so?" I asked with false modesty as I admired the drape of the fabric over my tight ass in the mirror.

"Superb," she said with a nod, sliding her hand over my shoulder and down my back for emphasis. "The way it hugs every masculine curve... and yet looks too cheap to be gay. I think it's perfect."

"Thank you," I said with a quiet smile, pleased to have her approval, though I wondered at her choice of words.

"Aro's waiting for you," she said, raising her eyes from my sculpted backside to my face. "He wants to go over a few things with you before the competition begins."

I rolled my eyes, though I'd been expecting this. "All right, tell him I'll be there momentarily. I just need to wait for my nails to dry," I said, blowing emphatically on the clear veneer I'd hastily brushed across my fingernails.

She arched an eyebrow. "I wouldn't keep Aro waiting if I were you. He just caught sight of the giant cardboard check in the banquet hall. Something to the tune of €100,000?" She laughed musically, her violet eyes lighting up with mirth at my expense. "Bold, Dem. I sure hope your nomad's worth it."

_Shit!_ I hadn't meant for Aro to find out about the prize money until _after_ the competition! I tossed aside the bottle of polish, slipped into my leather loafers, and sped out the door behind her.

When we arrived to the assembly hall, Aro, Marcus, and Caius were already seated on the dais in their glorious thrones of doom. Though the hall had been gaily arranged with flowers and streamers in honor of the event, the triad of them looked about as glum as a hipster at a NASCAR rally. They were wearing their usual somber black, with their hair slicked severely back, and sported scowls to match.

Heidi glided past me to join Felix off to the side, where he was dwarfing the tiny form of Jane beside him. Outside I could hear the buzz of voices and my mind was overwhelmed with the number of presences I recognized – Benjamin and a few of the Egyptians, Zafrina and her Amazonian clan, Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme, the Romanians, Victoria, Laurent... I gulped as I realized I could sense James here, too, somewhere apart from the other guests. If I had been human, my palms would have begun to sweat. As it was I just compulsively started humming _God Save the Queen_. Everyone has a nervous tic – mine's just a bit more patriotic than usual.

"Demetri," Aro began, wanting to waste no time in my censure.

"Yes, Master?" I winced, bowing my head reverently. For some reason, I started humming louder. Felix snorted and I heard Heidi elbow him in the ribs.

"Jane has brought it to my attention that you have chosen a rather large sum as a prize for your competition, is this incorrect?"

I stopped humming and fired a glare at Jane, who snickered. _Bitch_. "No, sir, that is correct. I had to raise the amount of the prize in order to attract the best talent." This all was completely true, and also completely selfish on my part. I mentally crossed my fingers and hoped Aro wouldn't mind the difference.

He exchanged a glance with Marcus and Caius and sighed heavily. "Demetri, you know I'm not angry with you about the money."

I raised my head, perplexed. Funny, he looked pretty angry to me.

Aro continued, "I just hate being left in the dark about such decisions. Promise me you'll consult me first in future, hmm?"

I nodded like a guilty child and mumbled out a promise. By the way Caius was smirking at me I was sure there'd be another, unofficial punishment later. I hoped by then I'd either be so triumphant from my success or sullen from defeat that I wouldn't care what he did to me.

"Good. Now that's all settled. On to today's business," Aro said, putting on a smile. "Heidi, won't you open the doors and invite in our guests?"

Heidi gave a slight bow and walked over to the massive gilded doors, opening them wide and gesturing with a smile for our guests to enter the hall. Dozens of elegantly dressed vampires filed in, politely remarking on the decorations and chattering about the competition and the contestants. I exchanged nods with more than a few, keeping my eyes peeled for James' coven. Finally, Victoria and Laurent slinked in at the back, begrudgingly clothed in something fit for polite society and looking supremely uncomfortable to be here.

Once everyone was inside the hall and listening with rapt attention, Aro proceeded. "Greetings and welcome to the first ever Volturi Tracking Competition!" Aro proclaimed in an understated, yet overall thunderous voice.

There was a smattering of polite applause and he continued, "Before we proceed to today's entertainment, let's cover a few of the rules, to which all the participating contestants have already agreed. As your host Demetri has indicated, our own Alec is keeping all the contestants in the foyer and blocking their tracking powers until the object to be tracked has been placed. Once the object is placed, contestants will have 24 hours and free access to one plane, train, or boat ticket to aid them in their search. For the sake of time, neither Australia, North, or South America will be considered in the bounds of this contest. The first contestant to reach the object will return with it immediately to Volterra. If anyone is accused of cheating – and I will be able to read in their thoughts if they have – they will be immediately disqualified."

Here Aro paused to give the audience a grave look that signified he meant business. Asking a group of vampires not to cheat is like asking a teenage boy to keep his hands out of his Levis, but with so much money on the line Aro was not in the mood to suffer insolence. He cleared his throat and continued in a more cheerful tone, "And of course, the winning contestant will be awarded the grand prize of €100,000!" The audience cheered in earnest at that, and I saw Victoria and Laurent smile with greed at the prospect.

The crowd quieted down and one person – Carlisle Cullen if I'm not mistaken – raised his hand and asked a question: "What is the object to be tracked?"

Aro looked over to me and I smiled, stepping forward to speak to the crowd.

"Me," I said simply.

* * *

After being dismissed by Aro and seeing Victoria and Laurent safely deposited into Heidi's protective care ("Come on, sugar," Heidi had cooed at Victoria, taking her by the arm, "Let's have a drink." And after taking in her general appearance had added, "And a bubble bath." Victoria had followed after her helpless and wide-eyed – you didn't deny a Volturi in their own home, after all), I loosened my collar and stepped outside.

_Now, where to hide?_ I smiled with anticipation as I considered my possibilities. After a few moments' deliberation I set off at random, trailing across the Pyrenees, the Alps, the Himalayas... just enough confusion to throw the less talented trackers for a loop. With any luck they'd give up after a few hours and return to the castle for refreshments and a participation certificate and leave the big boys to me. Then I took a spin through Africa, trotting merrily down the Nile and languishing in the Congo, seeing if anyone would take the bait. As night was falling I felt the presence of other trackers gaining ground on me. I steered away from them as soon as I sensed them, jumping rivers, lakes, and seas, anything to get off their radar. When I felt someone approaching I hopped a plane from Johannesburg to St. Petersburg. I laughed as I realized the slower of the better trackers would get all the way to the bottom of Africa only to discover that I'd fled by plane and likely they'd give up in frustration. At last I settled in a taiga bog in Norway, leaning against a tree and biding my time until someone found me.

I didn't have to wait long. A mere hour after I'd tucked in to wait, I felt a presence nearby that caused me to stiffen all over.

_James._

He emerged from the trees, a vision of masculine grace and beauty in an understated white t-shirt and jeans. His face was lovely in his fervor for the chase – his eyes keen and black, his nose raised thoughtfully, the line of his jaw set with grim determination.

Unable to help myself, I began to hum _God Save the Queen_.

He turned suddenly to see me, and the expression on his face darkened to something quite terrible.

"You set me up," he growled, giving my chest a hard shove and flinging me back against a defenseless fir tree.

"No, I didn't," I said, gasping from his sudden violence. "I just knew you'd win – I didn't make you better than the other contestants. You just _are_." _In so many ways, James. In so many ways._

"That's what I mean, Demetri. You _knew_ I'd win, and you thought you'd use it as some kind of sick leverage to get me alone," he said, his voice low and threatening as he stalked towards me, his scarlet eyes narrowed and intense as they stared me down. _Saints in heaven_, he was the most beautiful predator I'd ever seen. He stopped before me, gripping a powerful hand around my gasping throat.

"No, James, I swear..." My eyes widened as his grip tightened. Of course, I was the older vampire by centuries and could have easily deflected him if I so desired. But right now my desires couldn't be further from that possibility.

"What? You don't think I know what you're up to?" he sneered, using his free hand to wrench one of my arms painfully behind my back. His eyes were flashing a dangerous red as he leaned in closer, his dazzling white teeth bared, his sweet and venomous breath rushing over my face and intoxicating me. "Did you think you'd lure me out here with €100,000 and I'd just whip out my cock and let you suck it?" He pressed his lean body against mine, pinning me to the tree, and I realized with embarrassment that there was no way he could mistake the prominent bulge in my dress slacks for anything but the raging boner for him that it was.

_Well, actually..._

"Yes," I admitted weakly, slumping back against the tree, completely surrendered to his mercy. This was not turning out the way I had planned. He was probably going to try to hurt me now, and bless my foolish heart, I was probably going to let him. I squeezed my eyes shut, wincing in anticipation of the first blow. Hey, I may have been older, but that didn't mean a younger vampire's bitch slap hurt me any less. Hell, I should know – Felix preferred to practice his newfound _Krav Maga_ obsession on me because he said my pretty face made him the angriest. Go figure.

Thus poised for pain as I was, imagine my surprise when I felt the faint brush of soft lips against my ear. My eyes flew open with surprise. "Then get on your knees, Volturi, before I kick your legs out from under you," James said, his voice dripping with sex and danger. He dragged his hand down from my throat, allowing the claw of his index finger to pop open the buttons of my expensive starched shirt on its lazy descent down to the front of my trousers, where his capable hand palmed my hard-on like a boss. I couldn't help but whimper.

_Was this really happening?_

"I said _on your knees_," he hissed, pushing my shoulders down with both hands. I fell hard on my knees, the shock rattling me and knocking my jaw. I shook my head in wonder and looked up at him as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, revealing his glistening abs. He poked a prodding knee none-too-gently into my chest. "Now show me what you got, Volturi," he said, his eyes now glittering with equal parts lust and amusement.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ This was _so_ going on my blog.

"Yes, yes of course," I said quickly, licking my lips nervously and reaching a hesitant hand out to the bare plane of his beautiful chest. His eyes never left mine as I pulled my hands down the hard ripples of his muscular body and set to work on unfastening his belt. Fearing he would change his mind at any minute, I couldn't help but press a worshipping kiss just below his navel as I slid down the zipper of his jeans, breathing in his amazing, masculine scent, the light fuzz of his hair tickling my nose. He closed his eyes and sighed with approval as peeled down his clothing and revealed the glorious length of his hard, magnificent rod. I took it into my hands reverently, my own cock twitching anxiously as I marveled at how he was just as hard for me as I was for him. _For me_. My mouth quirked into a gratified smile as his body shuddered under my touch. I wrapped my fingers around his member and gave him a languid introductory stroke to the glory that was one of my blowjobs. I leaned forward to give his tip a tentative lick, earning a gasp from him. I closed my eyes and pulled his cock between my lips, moaning as his salty, throbbing length filled my mouth.

"Quit fucking teasing me and just suck me already," he groaned, trying to sound threatening, but just sounding desperate as I moved my lips lightly over him, my fingers delicately squeezing his balls. I was enjoying the restless way he shifted the weight on his feet as I pulled the tight vacuum of my mouth back and forth slowly. I'd waited for this for years – his fucking cock could wait thirty seconds for me to get my lips warmed up.

Finally, I was done teasing. If James wanted to see what I could do, he was going to get it all the way – scattered, smothered, covered, chunked... the works. He cried out with surprise as I tightened the seal of my lips and started sucking him in earnest, my hand twisting and pumping in time with the motion of my mouth.

"_Fuuuuuuck_..." he cursed and braced himself against the tree with one arm, fisting his other hand in my hair and arching his hips into me. He was completely wrecking my carefully styled hair and I didn't give a damn. I could feel the muscles of his thighs shaking with his restraint and I made a happy humming noise to let him know that he was cleared for take off. Without further encouragement he began bucking into me harder and faster, and I let him in deeper and deeper until the tip of his pecker was knocking against the back of my throat like a fucking battering ram. Which reminded me that I forgot to send Laurent a Bastille Day card. I really needed to get a more efficient day planner. I let go of his cock with my hands and let them slide between his thighs and up to grope his granite ass as he fucked my mouth.

"You're such a filthy prick. You really like this, don't you, Volturi? You love sucking my cock," he hissed and grunted, yanking hard on my hair. By his labored breathing, I would venture to guess he didn't find me all that disgusting in actuality. I would have smiled with pride, but my mouth was otherwise engaged at present. Instead, I let one of my fingers slip into his hole, earning a howl from James, his body clenching and seizing as his orgasm overcame him. His body spilled violently into my mouth and I gulped it all down like a champ, shivering with pleasure as his hot release oozed down my throat.

I pulled away from him lazily, a smug grin plastered on my face at the wild look in his eye, the way his whole body heaved with his panting as he came down from his ecstasy. "So," I started to say cheekily, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and standing up. "How was tha— OH!" My speech was cut short as he whirled me around and slammed me face-first into the tree, his hands roughly mauling at the rest of my clothes.

"Shut up," he hissed, tossing aside my shirt and setting to work expertly on the buckle of my belt. "If you're going to fuck with me you're going to play by my rules, Volturi. And Rule Number One is no sassy talking me, or I will not hesitate to backhand you, do you understand?" he growled in my ear as he pushed down my trousers and slid one hand over my freshly-buffed marble ass.

"I understand," I murmured, my voice a little muffled since the side of my face was being smushed against the tree trunk by his hand. _Oooh_ this was all so exciting! There were rules! And punishments! I couldn't help but ask, my voice throaty with desire as he pulled my ear lobe between his teeth: "W-what's the second rule?"

"You're not finished until I am," he whispered, and I shivered at the promise in his voice. My nerves were wired alive and attune to his every touch as he explored my body with his hands, inspecting me. I shuddered as he dragged his mouth over the back of my neck, licking and gnawing and tasting me. I hoped he found me as worthy as I found him. I bit back a moan as his strong fingers kneaded into my ass, spreading and closing my cheeks, driving me wild with anticipation. I heard him spit in his hands and the telltale slippery sounds of him lubricating himself, readying himself for me. Don't be such a snob – vampire spit is actually one of nature's more versatile substances. I'm actually in the process of trying to file a patent for it for a line of anti-aging masks for humans. You don't even want to know what I'm trying to do with vampire semen.

"_Ohhh, James_," I moaned, biting down hard into the tree's trunk to stifle my cries, my nails digging into the bark as he pushed his cock into me.

"You like that?" he asked with a sly smile. He rocked his hips suddenly upwards and I cried out again. "How bad do you want me, Volturi?" he growled, sinking his teeth into my shoulder as he worked his cock deeper into me.

"_Please_, James," I begged, reaching up to run my fingers through his hair, pressing his teeth down harder into my shoulder. My body was on fire for him, the light scraping of the tree bark against my hardened member driving me mad. I needed him _so badly_.

"_Mmmm, fuck, _you're so tight!" he groaned as he filled me. He drove into me at a quick clip, then, holding onto my hips as you might the reins of a show pony. Soon he was drilling into my ass like a jackhammer on a city street, me clinging desperately to the tree for support, which in turn was groaning and creaking from the burden of our weight.

"_Unff... CLOMP... Jaaa... BONK... Fuuu... CLOCK..._" I made a series of unintelligible whimpering noises punctuated by my teeth knocking rudely against the wood. I was probably going to need some super glue on my front canine and I was definitely going to be picking splinters from my teeth for days – but right then I didn't give a fuck. This was so worth it. I gasped out loud (swallowing a mouthful of sawdust of my own creation in the process) as the head of his cock found my sweet spot. "Theeeerrrrrrre..." I exhaled noisily, my breath whistling a little through the gap the loose tooth made. My whole body hummed as my orgasm built, the thrill of his every touch magnified a thousand fold. My own cock was aching for his attention, but I didn't dare ask in case special requests were somehow against "The Cardinal Rules of Fucking James". I ground myself futilely against the tree trunk, frantic for more friction. Finally – mercifully – James reached his hand over the sculpted line of my hip and down over my member, which leaped to life in his hands.

"Not bad," he observed, sizing me up as stroked me unhurriedly, slowing down his own thrusts to match the agonizing pace of his hand. "Nuh uh, not yet, Dem. I'm not finished yet," he said, giving my ass a chiding slap as he felt my muscles clenching in anticipation of release. The sound of my nickname on his lips fair made me melt, though at this point it was hard to tell which stimulus was responsible for which response. I squeezed my eyes shut, my cock burning in his hand from the effort of holding back.

"James, I don't think I can—..."

"Coming!" he choked out hoarsely, his body convulsing and emptying into me for the second time today. My own release followed soon after – Oh, hot, sticky, _glorious_ release! I felt James collapse against my back, spent. The tree, exhausted, took it upon itself at this point to fall over in a noisy _CRASH_. As we lay there in an indecorous, quivering heap, James astonished me by turning me over in his arms and bringing my mouth to his in a surprisingly sweet kiss. I purred and clung to him as our mouths moved together in silent affirmation of our shared experience. This was as close to heaven as a soulless over-sexed vampire was going to get. The kiss smoldered on until we'd caught our mutual (and completely unnecessary) breaths, and I pulled away to regard him with awe.

"James, that was..." I was at a loss for words, so dizzy with euphoria as I was.

"...Amazing? I know," he smirked, not humbled an ounce.

"I didn't even know you... you liked men," I said softly, averting my eyes shyly.

He laughed. "What the hell do you think I keep Laurent around for? It's not like he does anything fucking useful – except fucking." He brushed a tender hand through my hair, hopelessly trying to put it to rights. "Which brings me to Rule Number Three, Dem." His voice turned serious as he pulled my chin up, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "Tell anyone about this and I will rip your balls off. And not in a fun kinky way – in a painful and very permanent way."

I gulped and nodded. I believed him. "Don't worry – I won't. I would never-..." A sudden flash in my brain interrupted me. "Oh, _shit! _ Quick – hand me my pants!"

He jumped up as quickly as I did, reaching for our pile of clothes and trying to sort them out. "What is it?" he hissed in a whisper, obviously alarmed.

"_Shit, shit, shit _–it's Alistair! He must have finally found me!" I fumbled with the buttons on my shirt, now completely wrinkled.

James frowned and cocked his head. "I don't sense anything."

I managed a wry grin at him. "You're good, honey, but I'm better. He'll be here in fifteen minutes – we have to leave now!"

He pulled his shirt back on and turned a glare at me, but it dissolved into a smile. "Fine. You win."

"If you suck my cock, I'll let you win next time," I said coyly.

His jaw fell open at my audacity, but he raised an intrigued eyebrow. "Next time?"

"I can keep a secret if you can..." I said teasingly, pulling my suit jacket on and brushing off any errant twigs or leaves. "Now, how do I look?"

"Not a hair out of place. And how do I look?"

"Perfect. Not at all like you just spent an hour fucking the living daylights out of me."

"You better watch your mouth, Volturi..." he said, growling lowly in warning.

"Or what? You'll stick your dick in it?"

James snarled and tried to pounce me. I scurried gleefully away, setting off at a breakneck run with him fast on my heels. And so we ran all the way back to Volterra – my laughter echoing from the hillsides and James pretending not to like it at all in the slightest. He got his prize money and I got my prize, with no one but ourselves (...and Heidi...and Felix...and my sex blog...) the wiser.

**THE END.**

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**And thusly you have been regaled with the tale of how one Tracker outfoxed another, and they both ended up getting something they wanted. Thank you for your attention, and if this story pleased you or disappointed you in a way you can quantify with words, please leave a review?**


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